Mindful grief is the act of being present with your grief. Read on for six mindful methods that can help support you.
November 25, 2022
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My Dad ascended two years ago. I’ve decided I like the word “ascended” far better than died, passed, or was lost because I believe without a doubt he’s moved into a higher version of himself.
It’s taken me these past two years to mindfully understand the nature of my grief. I’d experienced death before, but not at this stage of my life, and never anyone this close to me.
And while navigating this experience, I’ve observed several things.
If you’re currently riding the waves of grief, I hope these mindset shifts help support you.
Related Post: Tapping/EFT for Beginners
1: You Don’t Have to Say Goodbye
I heard this from a man I met while on a retreat, he was grieving his daughter and had a profound shift when a coach shared this simple phrase.
You don’t have to say goodbye.
It’s basic, but it’s so powerful.
I think there’s this grand misconception that when someone dies, we need to acquire closure.
But do we … really?
Why is this a necessary step?
Saying goodbye doesn’t stop grief. If anything, it causes stress and sadness.
If saying goodbye somehow helps you, then do it.
But if you want to continue to allow that beautiful person to be a part of your life, then don’t say goodbye.
This simple mindset shift can help you move to a state of empowered, mindful grief.
A place without pressure to let go.
2: Be Present with Your Grief
I imagine the space that the grief for my Dad takes up as a box.
A box that I could choose to store in the shadows of my mind where I don’t have to see or feel it.
Or I could choose to keep it out in the light, fill it with memories, and take care of it.
I choose the second option. Because when it’s kept out, I can monitor how full it is.
It’s when the box starts to empty that I feel a void. A hollowness. A sadness.
But when I practice mindful grief by taking care of the box, ensuring that it’s filled with happy memories, appreciation, and love for my Dad, I feel as though I’m not only supporting his memory, but myself.
3: Watch for Signs
Holly-molly! This has probably been the greatest support of all.
My Dad texted me before he ascended and said “I will come to you when I pass.”
I don’t think it was as simple as he thought it would be. One night before falling asleep, I heard his voice clearly say, “Keri-Lee, open the door.”
He clearly wanted to communicate but when I was young and experienced some metaphysical phenomenon, I chose to place barriers to any kind of mediumship ability I may have had, and I’ve never attempted to dismantle it.
I still appreciated that he tried to talk to me.
But he didn’t give up, the signs began to pour in.
First, it was a lot of inside jokes, extremely random but personal items kept crossing my path and it was so his humour.
Then, a couple of weeks after he passed, I realized the full power of his desire to connect when my Google Home device turned on without prompting and said, “I’m good. It’s all good.”
It was shocking, but even more so because I keep it unplugged due to EMFs. (Perhaps one of the kids plugged it in?)
Now, I could have experienced all of these signs and just decided they were coincidences or that my Google device was glitching, but I because I was present and alert for the signs, I knew when he was reaching out.
4: Allow Your Loved One to Be a Guide
I recognize that my Dad has access to a much greater state of awareness than I currently have in this 3D physical realm.
And because of this, I welcome and allow him to be a guide in my life.
Ask your loved ones for advice. Ask them to support you during that big presentation. Ask them to help alleviate the tension after that fight with your sibling. Ask them to watch over your children at school.
Allow them to support you, and see what miracles unfold.
5: Don’t Judge Your Grieving Experience
So many people believe that grief is a process. There’s a start, a messy middle, and then … relief?
When I was searching for keywords to write this post, I was shocked to see there are over 450,000 searches per month for “stages of grief.”
450,000 people want a roadmap for their grief!
Therapists may find some patterns with grief but I believe it’s highly individualized.
When my Dad ascended, I’d given birth to my son three weeks before. I was charged with happy hormones and mostly felt a deeper spiritual connection with him.
The sadness came six months later.
At that point, it felt like he’d been on a long vacation and I wanted him back home. And the grief that my mind and body knew I couldn’t feel when caring for a newborn, finally began to surface.
And I never judged myself.
Not when I felt less at the beginning. And not when I felt more later on.
Grief is like the ocean. Sometimes there are wild, thrashing waves, and other times there’s complete stillness.
The only thing you need to do is allow for the safe passage of emotions as they arise.
My favourite self-healing practice is EFT. I found it helped on those wavy days.
6: Use Your Grief as a Catalyst for Change
Grief is unpredictable and can feel like your life has been pulled out from under you.
But what if your loved one’s departure was timed out exactly as a catalyst for your own growth? A painful catapult into a new chapter of your life. To face all of the things you hadn’t previously faced because you were too comfortable to move.
The Author, Rebecca Campbell says, “Be open to being cracked open. Wide open. It’s the difficult times that help us grow in leaps and bounds, and in ways we could only dream are possible. But first, they have to crack us open. Sometimes it hurts like hell. It’s nature’s way.”
For me, grief was a call to refocus and shift my life in the most radical ways.
My Dad’s sudden departure felt like my sudden arrival.
I realized that waking up each morning isn’t guaranteed and that I need to focus on spending my time exactly the way I want to.
I started this online adventure just after he passed. Knowing that it was long overdue.
If there is something you want to change in your life, let your loved one help carry you through any fear and doubt.
Final Thoughts on Mindful Grief
Your grieving experience is your experience.
When you choose mindful grief, you observe your emotions and focus on what you need to do to support your tender heart.
Take my advice or decided it’s not for you. There is no right way to grieve.
Just know you’re not alone in this.